So, as some of you may know, I am a musician. As being a musician, most of them have concerts or "gigs". Well, as of Saturday, I have had a gig. I was asked by the pastor of a Methodist church down the street to play a few songs. When I got asked to do it, I thought about it, for like a second, and was like "yes". Now, if I would have been asked this around 6 months ago, I would have had to think about it quite a bit, and probably come up with some "excuse" as to why I "couldn't" do it. But, now, being where I am now, knowing that I am a wise confident man of integrity, I knew I could do this. I'm not saying I didn't have some of those old "excuses" floating in my head, or that I wasn't nervous/anxious about it, but I used the tools that I have received over the past couple of months and kicked those things aside, and said "I'm gonna do this" and jumped in with both feet.
After being up on stage and getting to experience that, I've realized that, it is for sure something I want to be a part of. I had such an amazing joyful feeling take over me while I was on that stage. Yes, only around 13 people showed up, I still thought it was awesome that I had a chance to do this. I felt so privileged to be there, in that moment. I remember being up there just praying that Papa helped me get the most out of it, and to not lose sight of Him. I wanted people to get the view of Him that I see in the music that I play.
Although the songs I played were not my own, they were still songs that I had an emotional attachment to. I'm working on my own stuff and I have several written songs, but they just don't have music along with them. But, I know that Papa is helping me get better at that. Anyway, the last song I played was a song called "Dirty And Left Out" by The Almost. For any who don't know it, it's basically about the our struggle with being in relationships with people, and God and Jesus. It talks about how "I've been dirtier than you wanna know. And I've left earlier than you'll ever know." I picked this song, because it was a song I fell in love with the first time I heard it and I wanted other people to hear it. When I picked it for the line-up of songs, I had no idea how the pastor would have me play them, or in what order. In fact, I didn't know until I was in the moment when I was playing them. Well, she had me play that song while the people there anointed themselves. I remember playing the song, and I was realizing how this song fit to the anointing. It was connected in how Christ anoints us anytime, we are never too "dirty" to be in a relationship with Him. He always does, and always will love us. But amongst my thinking of this during the song, I looked up, and one of the ladies in the audience was crying, and I started thinking about how this song applies to a lot of people. We tend to think we're too dirty to be loved. And I started really feeling the song, and feeling the Holy Spirit during it. I was filled with so much joy seeing that Papa had used me playing that song, to open a place in her heart. I loved being a part of that, and there was when I knew I want to be a part of this as much as possible. Even if it's just one person, it's just as moving as with a group. I loved it, and felt so much joy and excitement after I finished. The feeling was so overwhelming, but it was a good overwhelming. I just wanted to let it all out. And afterwards, the lady came up to me and shook my hand and said, "thank you very much" and in shaking her hand, I realized I was a part of something big right there, and it just felt right, and felt like I was being who I was created to be.
So, I'm not sure how to finish this, but I just thought everyone should hear how much this affected me, and how much of a victory it was. Papa is so amazing and I pray that in reading this, you see the hope in yourself, and know that you're never to dirty to be loved.
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